The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
The Persistent Lens of Masculinity in Teenage Girl Identity
At a youth center in Carmarthen, Wales, a hand-painted notice affixed to the door declares “GIRLS ONLY,” “Boy’s don’t Eneter!” [sic], and adds a playful twist: “don’t worry boys!” The board is adorned with vibrant hearts and stars, signaling the informal space where a dozen young women are gathered around a large round table. A competitive card game has already begun when I enter, and the chatter is lively as they discuss everything from school tensions to viral content online. This scene is part of a BBC Radio 4 series exploring the lives of teenage girls, featuring interviews with approximately 150 participants, most aged between 13 and 17. The dialogue at this table mirrors the themes that emerged repeatedly in those discussions.
The Influence of Boys in Female Self-Perception
Despite their confidence and wit, the girls often framed their experiences through the perspective of boys. One remarked,
“Growing up as a girl, so much of that is about how boys are behaving around you and what they’re doing to you. So there isn’t really a way to talk about that without mentioning boys… and it is frustrating.”
The conversations felt like a real-world adaptation of the Bechdel Test—a measure for female representation in films. To pass, a film must feature at least two named women discussing something unrelated to men. Yet none of the interviews met this criterion, as the girls repeatedly referenced boys’ actions and expectations.
From Boys to Girls: A Shift in Focus
The project builds on a previous series about teenage boys, where I spoke with participants across the UK. In the wake of the pandemic, the #MeToo movement, and the rise of figures like Andrew Tate, I sought to understand how girls perceived their place in society. The girls I met were both insightful and courageous, yet the irony was striking: they often described adjusting their behavior in mixed company. “Girls don’t want to be seen as too much,” one explained, “or too loud, weird, or annoying.” They emphasized the need to appear “smaller and quieter” to avoid being labeled as “pick me” or “a beg,” someone seeking constant attention.
Gendered Expectations and Social Media
Themes of gendered expectations resurfaced consistently. Girls spoke about the weight of societal ideals of femininity, often shaped by social media, and the influence of boys in school settings. Teachers noted how girls “kept their heads down” and “flew below the radar,” avoiding conflict or attention. Alison Harbor, the youth center manager, observed,
“The boys at the club are quite vocal and confident in sharing their views. Today, the girls were just as open! My concern is that they often internalize their struggles…”
Meanwhile, Dr. Ola Demkowicz, a psychology of education expert at the Manchester Institute of Education, highlighted the mental health pressures girls face. She stated,
“There is certainly a pressure we heard from young women around that—translating into the need to be polite and respectful, and the feeling that behavior expectations on them were”
shaping their self-image and interactions.
